Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
