Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize