i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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