i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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