she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
