shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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