Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
