i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
