and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
