bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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