Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
