Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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