yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
