also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
