Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
