I faked an abortion last night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
