yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
