I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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