Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We named our party play list daddy issues
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's never too late to be topless.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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