Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize