omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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