Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
