Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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