In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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