I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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