Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
