we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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