The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
