I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
