where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
