God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
