I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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