I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
