Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
