Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she pinky promised me she was 18
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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