don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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