Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
