standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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