I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize