i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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