The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize