Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
