Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
