You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am puke
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
