am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
