He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize