i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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