He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
