i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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