just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
