I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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