Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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