There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
