is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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