I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
