btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize