Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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