my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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