You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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