I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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