return my video game
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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