just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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