Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
