If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
