This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
