Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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