i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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