this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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