oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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