He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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