That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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