I'm really into asian looking animals
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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